Old rubbish

Hey there. How are you? I'm so tired, my crochet hook has fallen out of my hand and I can't make myself look for it now. I've been making a few bits, bobs, bits and bobs, odds and sods, boops and flups, mips and mops. They are all excellent but I'm not showing you them because NOTHING I have started in the last couple of weeks is finished. I've been drawing. With a pencil. I will show you some of the results of my feeble efforts at some point, but for now I thought you might like to see some old stuff what I did once.

I've been keeping a journal of sorts for about ten years, since I was at university and we had to keep a working diary with ideas and stuff in it. Mine quickly degenerated into, 'golly I HATE Steve, what a loser, and I really need to buy shampoo and blah'. I then had to hand this nonsense in at the end of the year to be marked, and precisely none of it was relevant. I used to like recording stuff in drawing form, I would say like a comic, but it was more tragic. Anyway I was browsing some of these old journals recently and I thought I would share some of the drawings with you because I enjoy them.




Apparently this happened a lot.








This is the story of how I dropped a pair of knickers into the street by accident and had to collect them from the nice man on reception. It's a good story. I'm pure facts. No hyperbole here.















I'm glad I did these, and I'm glad I kept them, I've come so close to throwing them away quite a few times. They're not great drawings, but that's okay I suppose. I am not a great drawer. It's weird that I feel quite content to post pictures of my knitted stuff, but I'm still really nervous of posting drawings and things because they feel much more personal, or I'm afraid that they're crap, or something like that. I just felt like it'd be nice for you to see some of this stuff as well as the polished, honed things I usually put up. (Ha!)

I am EXTREMELY close to entering introspective hell now, and nobody wants to read THAT. I am way too professional! I will be back with more knitting soon I double promise, but hey! I have some important stuff coming up too! My real live website is nearing completion, and I will be thirp-ty years old in a couple of weeks too! Brilliant! Come round for a brew any time, I've got some nice biscuits in. Oh yes, I saved my favourite til last: I have NO recollection of this.

Emo lemo lomu mumu

Here is me again, I HAVE been busy. I doubt I will have anything to post about after this, for a while, anyway, so you don't have to read about all my pointless ramblings every three days. Well, you don't have to anyway, but you are! Thanks! Hi by the way. You look nice!

Eleanor is a person that I have known since she was a baby and I was slightly older than a baby. Now we are both grown ups and Eleanor makes a webcomic called Gothy Beans. They are goths, but they are beans! She has created some lovely characters, I particularly like the tangential ones that don't really play much of a role in the stories, like the tinysaurs and the little vampires that bob about. Eleanor asked me to make THIS guy, an Emo Lemur:



It made a nice change for me because the crocheted version needed to look exactly the same as the drawn version (more or less, I'm not a wizard), so I didn't have to design anything. It was already designed. Plus it gave me the chance to break out the fluffy yarns. I normally HATE fluffy yarn. It gets tangled up much more easily and it tickles and I've got loads of it shoved in cupboards. But I got reet into it this time, it lent itself to the task really well and looks ace. Maybe I'm growing up?

Well I suppose I may show you a picture then.





I'm pleased as punch with how he turned out, he's not QUITE the same, proportionally, as the original, but he needed to be dumpier in the body to stand up, with that gargantuan cranium there. Plus I NEVER measure anything, it is a principle of mine. I like to play it all by ear. I've always been like that, at uni I used to do all my prep after I'd done an entire painting, because if you're doing an art degree you have to show your working. It's more fun and organic that way and I don't get bored of things before I've even properly started them (mostly). The only thing is, it can be a bit of a haphazard method with projects like this. I have to keep myself in check. But it works for me, so stop asking.

The fluffy stuff looks really good too.



This is the first time I have used one of these weird dog noses for anything, I now have a packet of them. I will be adding dog noses to things willy nilly from now on.

So there we are. I also realised yesterday that Eleanor's surname is Woolley and I have made her something Woolly. Isn't that funny Eleanor! I bet no one has ever made that comparison with your name in the whole of your life.

Right well, I had better go and pretend to think of how to make something. I am scared of the Burger Lady, and I think I may have peaked creatively about 4 years ago, so I might just faff about. Stay in touch, guys. Oh! I decided to quit Facebook again, for the 10000000th time, so if you are trying to find me I'm not there. Send me an email though or something. I am trying to explain this without sounding too desperate, email me if you feel like it, pfff. I am talking rubbish! Bye now!

Eyes balls

Another day, no dollars. But another post. This will be interesting, I hope. I started a new thing, to fill the void left by the knitted drawing. I miss her. The new thing hasn't really taken shape as I'd dreamed it would, so far, because I hate planning things and I'm at a loss, to be honest.

Years and years ago, before I discovered knitting and crochet, I made a 'sculpture' that I used to call 'Burger Lady'. It was made of fabric scraps, and depicted a woman with a huge mouth, eating a giant burger which was covered in beads and drips and messy splodges of stuff. I don't know why. I think I am actually obsessed with women shoving great big messy foodstuffs into their gobs. I had never considered this until Ames pointed it out, once, after looking at some of my drawings which included these:









Okay, so not just women. I used to do these while I was working in a hellish call centre, and I just used to draw anything that came out of my head while I was on the phone to enraged customers, so I think they embody a lot of the anguish I felt about not being allowed to tell them to shut up or anything, and general misanthropy, that sort of thing. You can look at a lot of them here, or come round my house, I've got hundreds of these drawings.

Anyway, I used to really hate Burger Lady and never knew what to do with her. I thought she was too harsh, too aggressive, it was disgusting. This whole thing with massive mouths and rank globby food was kind of awful, anyway. Garth once walked into my room and asked me if I wondered if the things I made were a bit scary. I abandoned her, and after carting her on about five house-moves, I unceremoniously threw her in the bin. I never even gave her any legs.

I am making a bit of a meal of this story, but anyway. I haven't got any photos of Burger Lady because I hated her so much. But I have had a SORT OF urge to... not remake her, as such, but make ANOTHER one, a nicer one, one that isn't so full of anger and unhappiness, and ketchup. And now I can crochet, which is awesome, because I could never get the hang of fabric as a sculptural medium. It looked a right mess. I bet you wish I had some photos of this monstrosity, don't you, well HA, because I haven't.

So despite some reservations, I have started her. This is as far as I've got:



What the shit, Helen Makes? You tell us this long, involved story about some old sculpture you couldn't be bothered finishing, and then you show us... EYES? You charlatan!

That was my internal monologue doing an impression of someone not enjoying my EYES.

So that's all I've got, folks. I will keep you updated, I think this is going to be a traumatic one. Not like the funny old Venus of Custard. I have not made any drawings or plans or patterns, it's straight up freeform crochet, which I hope will not be too predictably horrific. As long as she doesn't end up like this... I would say this is NSFW, probably, it depends where you W though. Go.

Sarah

This is Sarah.



She's very glamorous. Or it seemed so from the photos her friend sent me, although I think she is at a party in them. I just assume she is always glamorous. Ugh, is it GLAMOROUS or GLAMOUROUS? The internet says both are fine. But they both look wrong to me.



A strawberry in the hair is the height of sophistication. Check out the beaded dress as well! I'm all about the details me!



Also she has a pink rose ring on. In the background of this picture you can see the horse Dave rode in on. He lives on top of the plank which is weirdly nailed to my wall.

I asked Sarah if she would mind me posting a few photos of her monster, and she kindly sent me a photo of them together:



Aww that's lovely! They look happy. I do like to see a happy monster-match. If you have a monster, and you don't mind, please can I have a photo of you two together? It would make me smile a little bit.

I have had a lot to do the past few weeks so I've been updating this a lot, which is good I think. I have started a new thing which I will show you soon, I think it's going to be a long drawn-out project like the knitted drawing, but I'm not sure where it's going, it will be exciting or boring, I can't tell. One thing's for sure though, I will drag you along with me.

Well, ta raa.

The Pied Piper

This is one of my favourite photos of my mum.



She is about twenty one here, and look how pretty. Evidently the horse was drawn to the beautiful music they were playing, and possibly also her bitchin red clogs.

I made a monster version of my mum for her birthday, and took some pictures in the garden last night when I went round for tea. I don't think she plays the tin whistle too much any more, maybe she does in secret, I dunno. But I made the monster play one, so that she would look cool sitting with my dad and his banjo.

Anyhoo, it appears that my mum still attracts animals wherever she goes. This is how the photoshoot went.











Then Archie tried to eat the monster, got shouted at, and ran away. Well what do you expect? They are delicious.

If you ever go to my parents' house (I don't know, you might do), you will notice that there are cats everywhere. Loads. They are stupid. Here is Mummymonster on her own, and oh look, who's that lurking malevolently behind the flower pot?



Slightly hectic hairdo on the monster there, I could have done the highlights better. I was working from memory though, and my memory is cack.



I like the whistle though, it has a heart on it.

Here are my mum and dad, if you look closely you can see Archie creeping in the background:





I like this. Now I just need to make a sistermonster, and we can have a family portrait done.